What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 10:26
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What can I do to deal with disrespectful children?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
I could never make a relationship work though!
It was going to be , some day.
But, we were locked up after school.
I said to her
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I will be 64.
How might an Indian girl respond to someone saying "I love you"?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We all went to grammer schools
How do you stop your balls from sweating?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was in good health!
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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What toxic behavior has been normalized by society?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why does Boko Haram attack its own Muslims?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Would this be the day?
How do you confront your own family for not inviting you or leaving you out of things?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My life is so biszare .
How do you take your erotic photos and how do you choose the poses?
He knew the spot.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was very sick at this time too.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was 9 years of age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She married twice! .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im still living with it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My family never makes their pension either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was seconnd youngest,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I have no regrets .
He resisted the act ,that day.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And i lived it daily.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was scared of men, in general
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She loved him until the end.
Comes on , in middle age.
She wouldn,t have been !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is soul school!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
All the time i was locked up.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I write beautiful poetry .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What did i know ?
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I don,t even have a pension.
Ive learnt so much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot live in the past .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But ive been too sick for many years..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She found it foreign!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So, i spoilt her more .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I think the readers, may guess!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Who then, do I blame.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.